Imagine you were a participant in the Olympic Games. Doesn't matter what sport. And also try to imagine that as you make your way to London via aeroplane you realize that over the course of the past four years you forgot to do any training whatsoever. None! In fact, you've done the opposite of training. Using the determination only an Olympic athlete could muster you allowed your muscles to atrophy through a series of sits and sleeps to the point where it required months of rigorous physiotherapy just to allow you to walk onto the plane. As if that wasn't enough, let's assume that your country of origin has not only decided that they don't want to be associated with you but has actually legally removed you as a citizen. There's more! Your favorite beverage of choice, lets say for instance Pepsi, which you drink four to five times a day did not inform you when they decided it would be in their best interest to replace the contents of the cans with sulfuric acid.
So, you're on your way to compete in the world's premier athletic event. You used up your weeks energy just getting on the plane. You're country-less, functioning stomach-less/esophagus-less and to top it all off the plane seats have caused mild lower back pain. The question is... how do you think you'll fare in your event? Not well. Actually, you may even say you'll... fail! Which now brings us to this blog.
The above analogy is meant to describe how pitifully my sticking to the original rules has gone. Although I would like to point out one thing. With the successful posting of this it will mean that I've managed to make at least one posting per month since the beginning. ...I'll take what I can get!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
This Post is a Joke! (As will this whole blog become if you don't act now!)
This isn't a very good start at all. I've only really adhered to one or two of my rules that I laid out in the previous and initial entry entitled: Rules, Tulips, Extravaganzas and More!. At this rate I won't become a respectable blogger with a following numbering in the thousands and the ability to purchase several Italian sports cars from ad revenue alone. Which, I should mention, is my ultimate goal with this blog. Nothing makes money faster than selling unnecessary e-books on how to make money.
All joking aside, it's obvious that there is something this blog lacks that is keeping it from attaining number one status. Content! If there is one thing that my years as a computer user/internet browsing expert has taught me is that if there is nothing to read a blog will inherently fail. Failure is not an option. Unless at some point in time failure becomes profitable. And then? Look out!
Again, jokes to the side. Seriously though, it's time to gird my loins and get down to work. No one wants to read a blog of which its main topic of discussion is how content is either non-existent, unprofitable or both! People want rich, in-depth information that appeals to them on a personal basis.
Which is where you people come in! I need to know what it is you want. I am open to anything. I'm nothing if not susceptible to suggestion. So suggest away and and if your suggestions are appealing and you're willing to sign a waiver which states you give up all rights to said suggestion to myself and any financial benefit thereof than... we're in business!
Seriously though, I place the jokes in extremely close proximity to the side. To any readers out there you have five (5) minutes from the time of the posting to give well thought-out, meaningful, mass-appealing suggestions for which I am to write about. After that time I'll take any inaction on your part as disinterest and will expect your prompt apologies.
Just joking.
All joking aside, it's obvious that there is something this blog lacks that is keeping it from attaining number one status. Content! If there is one thing that my years as a computer user/internet browsing expert has taught me is that if there is nothing to read a blog will inherently fail. Failure is not an option. Unless at some point in time failure becomes profitable. And then? Look out!
Again, jokes to the side. Seriously though, it's time to gird my loins and get down to work. No one wants to read a blog of which its main topic of discussion is how content is either non-existent, unprofitable or both! People want rich, in-depth information that appeals to them on a personal basis.
Which is where you people come in! I need to know what it is you want. I am open to anything. I'm nothing if not susceptible to suggestion. So suggest away and and if your suggestions are appealing and you're willing to sign a waiver which states you give up all rights to said suggestion to myself and any financial benefit thereof than... we're in business!
Seriously though, I place the jokes in extremely close proximity to the side. To any readers out there you have five (5) minutes from the time of the posting to give well thought-out, meaningful, mass-appealing suggestions for which I am to write about. After that time I'll take any inaction on your part as disinterest and will expect your prompt apologies.
Just joking.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Rules, Tulips, Extravaganzas and More!
As the very first entry on my blog which I've predictably titled "Jonathan Troke's Web Log Extravaganza" I've decided to provide some basic rules that I plan to follow when it comes to posting. I’ve numbered them for ease of reference and a small, pocket-sized edition will soon be available for order to those interested.
1. There will be no less then 40 entries per hour. That’s right. At the bare minimum you can expect a new post every 1 ½ minutes. This is incredible if I do say so myself. How do I intend to maintain that pace and still produce quality content? See number 2.
2. Do NOT expect quality content. I can’t stress that enough. If you’re here looking for some groundbreaking or insightful editorial than you’re in the wrong place. And don’t get me started on those people that say “But sentences need to be coherent to make sense!” I will be the judge of what is and what isn’t coherent on this blog, mister. Average tulips don’t iron on metabolism.
3. Each entry will consist of no less than 400,000 words. Think of your average fantasy novel and you’ll get the idea. How do I intend to create posts of that length and still remain within my admittedly excessive time restraints? See number 2.
4. Will I ever devote an entire entry to asking a ridiculously long question designed to end up with a platform that simply allows me to respond with a shallow answer for the sole purpose of making an eye-roll inducing point? Yes.
5. If I ever miss an expected entry I will voluntarily submit myself for suitable punishment. The punishment will be decided upon by at least 30,000 readers of this blog chaired by a member of the media. And by media I mean an anchor from CNN or something. They must meet near the oak tree at noon and are expected to agree upon and carry out the punishment within the hour. Failing to do this will be frowned upon and in the end… well, I’ll just never learn now will I?
6. Finally, when in doubt just refer to number 2. Actually, the more I think about it I just can’t see a better motto for this blog. Unless I receive a more appropriate suggestion by the end of the week then the slogan will be: “Refer to Number 2”
7. One more thing.. Squirrels? Yeah, why not.
That should do it. Remember, the lower your expectations are the better for everyone involved. You never know, perhaps I just might get away with breaking every single one of these rules on a daily basis and still have a readership. I know, unlikely, but we’ll see what happens.
1. There will be no less then 40 entries per hour. That’s right. At the bare minimum you can expect a new post every 1 ½ minutes. This is incredible if I do say so myself. How do I intend to maintain that pace and still produce quality content? See number 2.
2. Do NOT expect quality content. I can’t stress that enough. If you’re here looking for some groundbreaking or insightful editorial than you’re in the wrong place. And don’t get me started on those people that say “But sentences need to be coherent to make sense!” I will be the judge of what is and what isn’t coherent on this blog, mister. Average tulips don’t iron on metabolism.
3. Each entry will consist of no less than 400,000 words. Think of your average fantasy novel and you’ll get the idea. How do I intend to create posts of that length and still remain within my admittedly excessive time restraints? See number 2.
4. Will I ever devote an entire entry to asking a ridiculously long question designed to end up with a platform that simply allows me to respond with a shallow answer for the sole purpose of making an eye-roll inducing point? Yes.
5. If I ever miss an expected entry I will voluntarily submit myself for suitable punishment. The punishment will be decided upon by at least 30,000 readers of this blog chaired by a member of the media. And by media I mean an anchor from CNN or something. They must meet near the oak tree at noon and are expected to agree upon and carry out the punishment within the hour. Failing to do this will be frowned upon and in the end… well, I’ll just never learn now will I?
6. Finally, when in doubt just refer to number 2. Actually, the more I think about it I just can’t see a better motto for this blog. Unless I receive a more appropriate suggestion by the end of the week then the slogan will be: “Refer to Number 2”
7. One more thing.. Squirrels? Yeah, why not.
That should do it. Remember, the lower your expectations are the better for everyone involved. You never know, perhaps I just might get away with breaking every single one of these rules on a daily basis and still have a readership. I know, unlikely, but we’ll see what happens.
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